“The Perfect Lover”

The sexuality of people with Mars in Libra hinges on the eternal but always elusive concept of the “other.” For most of us the “other” is just the person we happen to love: that individual who is willing to put up with our imperfections and stand by us through the good and bad times. But people with Mars in Libra see the “other” as something much more abstract and larger than life.  For them the “other” is an ideal. More importantly, it is a necessary ideal without which life has no meaning. For the Mars in Libra Lover the search for this ideal companion, this the truly significant other, is the primary fire within his or her sexuality. Physical desire comes in a weak second.

This being said, it should not be assumed that Mars in Libra Lovers are sexually deprived. Just because physical sex is not that important to these individuals doesn’t mean they can’t have a lot of fun with it. Typically, Mars in Libra Lovers follow the sexual attitudes and mores of their own social group. They can quietly and happily sublimate their physical desires in the company of celibates but they will definitely be the life of the party if they are in a community of swingers.· What is different about sexually active Mars in Libra Lovers is the fact that they always maintain a strict divide between what they perceive as frivolous sex (sex with anyone who is not their significant other) and sex with that special partner. The former simply is not important, no matter how much energy they put into it. The latter matters tremendously, not because of the quality of the sex, but because it takes place in a zone of perfect love.

Mars in Libra Lovers approach sex with their special partners as if it were a fantasy and they seek to create a zone of perfect beauty, balance and grace around the objects of their affection. Often they will inundate that person with physical manifestations of their ideal conception of love: gifts, flowers, and gestures of respect and idealized affection. Anything that seems tawdry or harsh to them is banished from the scene. It may seem that they are putting the person they love on a pedestal, that they are making sex into a highly mannered ritual in which consummation matters very little; but always remember that it is the ideal of the relationship and the “other” that this Lover is really worshipping, not the person who happens to be standing on the pedestal.

There is probably no more privileged position imaginable than to be the object of a Mars in Libra Lover’s sexual adoration. These Lovers make the person they love feel as if the universe is centered on their relationship but, despite all this devotion, the Mars in Libra zone of perfect love can be a rather cold and unforgiving place. The perfectionism that makes these Lovers so anxious to please their partners also makes them extremely judgmental of people who fall short or who are unable to maintain the high standards of their ideal. In such instances adoration can quickly turn into contempt.

The intellectual distance and lack of physical urgency with which these Lovers view sex often means they can take particular pleasure in the rituals of courtship and the day-to-day process of maintaining a sexual relationship. In many cases they seem to enjoy the actual sex act less than they do talking about it the next day. People who rush passionately into sex or those who appreciate sex primarily as a source of physical joy seem to the Mars in Libra Lover to be missing half the fun. They see sex and the intricacies of relationships as a universal phenomenon, linking us not just with our partner but with every other human being. They are by no means inclined to brag about their sexual adventures, nor are they apt to dwell of the crude and smelly details, but, for these Lovers, sex is a social function and it can never be fully enjoyed until its triumphs and tribulations are shared.



Among our examples of The Perfect Lover we have elements of several “power couples” from different eras and in different fields. What Bill Clinton and Hilary Clinton have been in our time, John Adams and his wife Abigail were in their time. Likewise, what John Lennon and Yoko One have come to represent in the popular culture of today, was once the role played by romantic poet Percy Bysshe Shelley and his wife Mary.

Unfortunately, not all of these ideal partnerships have prospered. Elvis Presley spent years grooming Priscilla to be his ideal bride but she eventual tired of her place on the pedestal. Whitney Houston’s long and turbulent marriage to Bobby Brown it could hardly be called a thing of beauty. Maria Shriver, Nicole Kidman, Sonny Bono and Pamela Anderson all seemed, at one time, to have established that perfect Mars in Libra partnership only to see those ideal relationships end in divorce. More tragically, Edgar Allan Poe lost his perfect partner to the grave.

It is interesting, and perhaps not surprising, that four of the greatest filmmakers of the 20th Century, Alfred Hitchcock, Ingmar Bergman, Roman Polanski and Frederico Fellini, along with two famous playwrights George Bernard Shaw and George Kaufman all have Mars in Libra. These men seem to have been able to project onto the stage and screen their own agrandized conception of the ideal "other.".

For more information on these and other examples, see the various Mars/Venus combinations.

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