“The Loving Extremist”

Mars in Aries Lovers often appear a bit out of control—and that’s just the way they like it. They enjoy getting carried away by sex, being swept up in its energy and physical urgency. You can’t rankle Mars in Aries Lovers by saying they don’t know what they’re doing. “So much the better,” they will answer. For these impetuous Lovers being out of control and not knowing what will happen next is the whole point of sexual passion. Here good sex is a headlong, face-first, full throttle exploration of the unknown. It is a firestorm of trouble and ecstasy fit only for the stout of heart.


Given their headlong approach to love, it is not surprising that this Mars type often ends up in troublesome relationships. But once again, the Mars in Aries Lover will answer, “So much the better.”· This is a Lover who cannot abide being too comfortable. A relationship in which there is no contention, pain, struggle or sorrow hardly seems worth pursuing. Thus, these Lovers are frequently found in impossible romantic situations, making one bad choice after another, and loving every minute of it.

Why do they love it so? Why is it that they insist on arguments, trouble, and even pain in their sexual relationships? For Mars in Aries Lovers, sex that just feels good is a waste of precious time. Sensation for its own sake means very little to them and the joys of the flesh have only the most minimal allure. Sex must be coupled with strong emotions and extraordinary situations to satisfy these radical Lovers. There has to be drama: a sense of dire need, unstoppable passion and drastic measures about-to-commence in order to lift sex out of the sensual commonplace and transform it into an experience worth remembering.

These are competitive, challenge-oriented Lovers. Typically, they are drawn to the partner who is hardest to get—the one who initially says no or who seems most unlikely to respond. In some cases this competitiveness becomes a major handicap. It compels these Lovers to regard the people they sleep with as trophies and to measure their own ability as love-makers solely by the number and variety of their sexual contacts.· Other times this tendency to see love as a challenge can have happy results. It allows the Mars in Aries Lover to approach relationships with an excitement that is endlessly renewed. As long as the relationship is moving, as long as it is a constantly unfolding process or even an ongoing battle, these Lovers never lose interest.

Mars in Aries individuals can be very desirable and very active Lovers due to their fiery passions and endless hunger for excitement, but because their enjoyment of sex is more dependent on psychological factors than physical pleasures these Lovers are also capable of withdrawing from sex for extended periods of time. It’s not that they lose their capacity for passion. It’s just that they can’t get excited about sex that isn’t wrapped in a challenge. Sex without fire, sex that doesn’t appeal to their innate idealism and their pioneering spirit, is worse than no sex at all for these Lovers. But when the right kind of relationship comes along, it is truly amazing how quickly the fire re-ignites.


Mars in Aries Celebrity Examples

Among our celebrity examples of The Sexual Extremist there are many who display this tendency to take sex to the extreme. The most outstanding of these sexual extremist is the notorious Marquis de Sade, whose erotic writings have set the standard for uniting sexual pleasure with pain, but we can see less dramatic examples of recklessness in the love lives of such Mars in Aries Lovers as Monica Lewinsky, Angelina Jolie, Xaviera Hollander, porn star Georgina Spelvin, David Letterman and artist Gustav Klimt

The competitiveness of this Mars type is exemplified by the international playboy Aly Khan, who, in the 1950s, became a sort of sexual gunfighter and was frequently sought out· by adventurous women eager to test his standing as the “world’s greatest lover.” Also, during his “Broadway Joe” days, Joe Namath was lauded (and envied) almost as much for the droves of pretty girls who pursued him as he was for his exploits on the football field.

As for combativeness, Norman Mailer, who once claimed that he had to have a wife he could hit and who would hit him back, is the most representative example. A different sort of combativeness is evident in the life of the pioneering feminist author Mary Wollstonecraft , who· began her defense of the rights of women at early age by physically protecting her mother against the attacks of her drunk and abusive father. Gloria Steinem expressed her contentious streak in a more intellectual manner but she still earned the ire of many people both inside and outside the feminist movement.

For more information about these and other examples, see the various Mars/Venus combinations.

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