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Mars and Venus vs. the Sun

I happened to see comedian Chelsea Handler on TV the other night talking about marriage. In the course of interviewing people about the subject she interjected some of her own problems with relationships and her desire to find an appropriate partner.

Handler has one of those charts that is particular difficult to read without a time of birth. Her Moon changes signs during her birthday, from Leo to Virgo, and the aspect that would tell us the most about her attitude toward relationships, a quincunx between Venus and Uranus, would not be a factor if she was born late in the day. (Click on Chelsea Handler to see a chart done for noon on her birthday.) Still, we can learn a lot by just comparing her Mars and Venus combination to her Sun sign.

Handler has Mars in Capricorn with Venus in Aries. This is what I say in our Mars/Venus Playbook about this combination:

Triumphant Slave of Love

You are a Mars in Capricorn Lover who knows exactly what you want from sex. Unfortunately, you seldom let yourself have it. Even though your approach to sex is straightforward and forthright to the extreme, your energies are often misdirected and your efforts self-defeating. Love is often like a punishment for you. The good news: that’s the way you like it.

The really odd thing about your sexuality is your optimism. No matter how much trouble love brings you, you never lose your confidence or your taste for sexual adventure. You are among the most energetic and demonstrative of the Mars in Capricorn Lovers. You tend to be competitive and sometimes a little pushy where sex is concerned, and you are not afraid to go after a challenging relationship. It is this ability to shake off the past and believe in love all over again that is your most charming quality. Of course, some might call it your most foolish quality.

Here you are combining the aggressiveness of Aries with the down-to-earth resilience of Capricorn. The key word is toughness. But Handler’s Sun sign is Pisces and Pisces calls for gentleness and emotional sensitivity. Typically, what Pisces people are looking for in relationships is a zone of safety and protection where they can be free to totally abandon themselves to their feelings.

The problem here is obvious. Handler has a Mars Venus combination that is built for adventure and rough-and-tumble exchanges, but her Sun sign naturally withdraws from these kinds of emotional bumps and bruises. So it’s no surprise that she has had difficulty finding a relationship that works for her. What she wants (as represented by Mars and Venus) is out of sync with what she needs (as represented by her Sun in Pisces.)

Actually, conflicts like this between Mars and Venus and the Sun and Moon are not rare. Most of us have to give up something of what we want or need in order to sustain a relationship. Astrology can help with this process. Not only does a complete horoscope allow us to see potential conflicts between what we want and what we need, it can help us find common ground between them and show us ways to get all the divergent parts of our relationship profile working together.