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The Post-Valentine’s Day Breakup

I once had a friend to bragged to me that, in her younger days, she always had a steady boyfriend by December. That assured her of a nice Christmas present, a date on New Year’s Eve and flowers other gifts on Valentine’s Day. After Valentine’s Day, however, she typically started looking for reasons the breakup with her beau. Summer vacation was coming up and having a swain in tow cut down her chances for an exciting summertime romance.


By the time I met this woman (a Sun sign Virgo, by the way) she was happily married. However, I can’t help but wonder if there are still some young people who take this utilitarian approach to relationships. Then, of course, I began to wonder how different signs would approach that kind of post-Valentine’s Day breakup. So, I made a list.


Aries – The Aries lover would probably try to engineer the breakup by starting an argument. However, once the argument began he or she would soon get caught up in the fight. Before long, the reason for starting the argument would be forgotten and the only thing that would matter to Aries would be winning. The breakup would be accomplished but it would much more acrimonious than the Aries lover ever anticipated.


Taurus – The Taurus lover would have to think long and hard before executing a post-Valentine’s Day breakup. Taurus people don’t like change and getting used to new partner would require so much work. However, if a Taurus lover did decide to make a switch, there wouldn’t be any pretense. The Taurus would simply walk away. The person they abandoned might ask, “Why?” but they probably wouldn’t get much of an answer. Taurus people don’t explain themselves. They just do what they have to do.


Gemini – The Gemini lover might breakup with you the week after Valentine's and then call you up a couple of days later as if nothing ever happened. Gemini people like to keep their options open and they will avoid making any breakup final for as long as they can. You could be left wondering what the status of your relationship with that Gemini really is, until you see a picture of him or her on Facebook running along a beach in Aruba with someone else.


Cancer – A Cancer lover might breakup with you right after Valentine’s Day but that doesn’t mean that he or she will stop calling you to remind you of dental and doctor’s appointments or dropping by your house and checking out what in your refrigerator to make sure you’re eating right. In fact, the difference between being “with” and Cancer lover and breaking up with one might not become evident until you finally decide to change your phone number and maybe your address.


Leo – When a Leo lover breaks up with you, it’s an event. Expect soft music, a fine dinner and the best wine. The Leo lover will take your hand and gaze into your eyes and make a big show of struggling to find the right words. He or she might even shed a few tears on your behalf. After all, what you are being deprived of is the company of Leo. What greater blow could befall a human being? The kind thing would be to pretend that you agree with this assumption, but you can play it however you want.


Virgo – Virgo lovers like to keep everything, even breakups, understated and efficient. They’ve planned what they’re going to say down to the last detail and you’ll hear a lot of, “It’s not you, it’s me.” However, if you object. If you (heaven forbid) get emotional about the breakup and demand to know what’s wrong with you, then Virgo will give a complete rundown, and chances are, you’re not going to like hearing it.


Libra – Libra has fallen in love with the idea of you, and in order to breakup with you they have to change the way they think about you. This is not an easy thing for Libra to do and they will probably go back and forth on the issue for some time. However, once they’ve accomplished this intellectual switch and taken you out of the category of people they absolutely need to have in their life, no appeal to their heart will help you.


Scorpio – The Scorpio lover started collecting reasons to breakup with you ten minutes into your first date. Maybe you didn’t mean anything when you said that or looked at that person a little too long or laughed at the joke that Scorpio found unfunny, but you’re probably not going to get a chance to defend yourself. The case that Scorpio has built will be air-tight. Your only consolation will be that the Scorpio lover has also been collecting reasons to stay with you forever and on a different day, who knows?


Sagittarius – The person who said “breaking up is hard to do” never met a Sagittarian. Sagittarians are typically averse to commitment and they are unlikely to wait until Valentine’s Day to pull the plug on a relationship. The Sagittarian lover is actually more likely to breakup with you the day before Valentine’s and then show up at your door the day after with a card and a box of candy, both somewhat damp from being rescued from the trash.


Capricorn – The Capricorn lover was already quite sure that he or she didn’t really need you or any other person in his or her life long before Valentine’s Day. That’s why all you got was that crappy card. So, the post-Valentine’s Day breakup text they sent you wasn’t just a matter of economics. However, you need to be ready for the post-post-Valentine’s Day 3am phone call, in which a slightly inebriated Capricorn begs for your forgiveness and asks you to take him or her back.


Aquarius – “Oh, didn’t I tell you? You and I broke up.” That’s a rough outline of an Aquarian post-Valentine’s Day breakup speech. If hearing that sends you into a rage and causes you scream and throw things, then breaking up with that Aquarian lover, as fascinating has he or she might be, was probably for the best. On the other hand, if you can just shrug and walk away undaunted, then it’s very likely that the Aquarian lover will be calling you again.


Pisces – No one “has” a Pisces lover. They are essentially on loan from heaven. When they breakup with you it isn’t exactly as nice as when they tell you that they’ll love you forever, but it still reverberates through your heart like a love song. You watch your former Pisces lover swim away, out toward their summertime fling, and you feel privileged to have known him or her those few months from December to February. It’s not until the next day that you begin to cry.

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